There's one technique we've used that has proven to be quite effective. We call it, "kissing it out of them." We made a deal with each other. In those moments when one of us gets frustrated and ornery, the job of the other one is to "kiss it out of them." “Kissing it Out of Them” essentially means that the non-ornery spouse cuddles, caresses, massages, and kisses the other spouse until they are no longer ornery.
Understandably, these actions are not immediately reciprocated - remember, you're dealing with a frustrated spouse here. Sometimes it may take 5-10 minutes or more to get there, but the bad feelings tend to disappear when someone is expressing such love to you! Before you know it, apologies (if needed) follow and you find yourselves even closer together than you were before the incident began.